misstimed | state of the union day 143

Confused. Miserable. Helpless. Useless.

Miranda, as of day 143, is running on six days of no sleep. Her teammates are upset. She doesn't really know what's going on. They won't talk to her about things. She doesn't want to push matters because they're unhappy, but she really doesn't know how to make things better because for the most part she doesn't know what's wrong. Sally was pillared before Miranda could really get to know her or get over her uneasiness around her headlessness. Peter, who was one of the only people Miranda could relax around, just got pillared. Everyone's upset about it, and she got told to get back to the dorm. The last game happened and she doesn't even know what to think about Blood's actions and then Blood was crushed and she couldn't do anything to help at all. And now Tsuna's missing, too.

As far as Miranda's concerned, she is nothing but a burden to her teammates. They would be better off with someone with more confidence, who was able to take care of things. They need someone who doesn't screw things up regularly. They need someone who can help make things better. They need someone who is strong and capable and can get everyone through times like these. They need someone who understands them and deal with them in their physical way and hold everyone together. They really need someone like Tavi.

And that's not something Miranda can be so she... just keeps going. She's cleaning the dorm daily. She's doing the laundry. She's cooking the meals. She's working on the baskets, which gets her through the nights. She trying to learn things like the medicinal herbs which may be of some use to her team, and she's even experimenting with combining them with Pyxis's teas to see if it will be something useful. She barely sits down during meals, keeping on her feet, and serving everyone. She smiles when she wants to cry, and just keeps going.

There's a very good chance that at this point she hasn't stayed in her room more than a couple of hours out of a day, and that's all the time collectively as she moves in and out to clean and change clothes or make sure things are in order or collect something for whatever she's working on at the time. She doesn't want to be in a place that gives her time to stop and think.

Her room also contains the memory berries (and beer) from the last 3 games Pyxis has won, which means that she hasn't taken a memory since IC-day 113. Pyxis and Cygnus usually take their memories collectively, and she feels like her memories aren't really that important when everyone else seems to be getting such upsetting memories every time. Part of her really wants to take them, and the other part doesn't want to risk getting a bad memory if everyone's really upset or, even worse, getting a good memory when everyone's really upset or a bad memory when everyone's happy. None of her first five memories have given her enough hope of being something more than a burden to her team to counteract the increasingly useless feeling.

Miranda is trying really hard to not cause her team any problems. She's scared and feels incredibly alone and insecure and cut off from her teammates. She's not holding up well, but she's also doing her best to not let anyone know this because she doesn't want to cause them any more problems than their already having. If she just keeps going, something good will happen -- something good has to happen. It won't be because of her, but something will happen, and it will be good and everyone will stop being miserable and upset and if she can just make it easier for them for now, just stay quiet, do her work, and not cause problems, everything will be okay.

Basically, she doesn't know what she's doing, but she's doing it anyway and praying for some kind of miracle before everything falls apart.